Park Ranger Rewarded for Choking Cobra in Girl Scout Campsite
“That’s a regular old king cobra you’ve got there,” says Ranger Neely. “You girls sure are lucky that I’m always prepared to wrap my hands around a thick-necked snake.” - photo by Tim Etler
Andrew Hallum and Kristin Muench
Last week, in a heroic show of bravery and physical flexibility, park ranger Jerome Neely saved a local Girl Scout troop from an escaped cobra.
After news that the cobra might be in the area, Neely expertly snuck into the campsite on his rounds to assure the safety of all the female campers that night.
“I just thought of all those girls camping and knew something had to be done,” Neely said. When asked about why he had headed back, he said: “With such a large snake out there and all my experience cobra choking as a teenager, I knew I’d sleep better after I kept a look out on their campsite for awhile.”
Neely took a keen interest in the art of cobra choking as a young boy of 13. He told reporters that his father gave him in-depth lessons on a variety of survival skills, which included dolphin waxing and worm burping.
Upon seeing the serpent, he is said to have thrust his hands around its sinewy neck, whereupon he proceeded to wrestle the creature around the campsite. The guttural groans of the exertion woke several of the scouts who screamed at the struggle between man and nature writhing feet away from their cowering, prepubescent bodies.
“It was truly inspirational,” said troop leader Diana Fortes, who was wakened by the ruckus only moments after the struggle between man and beast began. “I’m not exactly sure why he chose to rip his shirt off, though.”
The screams woke the rest of the troop, and they all carefully backed away from the mortal struggle. Most girls were “transfixed” by the primal, masculine display, while others looked away in fear and disgust of the serpent and its tamer.
Neely, when asked later about his tactics, replied, “Cobras are very sensitive to torsion and friction. If you really get your hands on the head and twist up and down it really sends them for a loop.”
After Neely gained the upper hand and conquered the leviathan, the snake realized its defeat. As he held the bested beast aloft, it reportedly arched itself, spewed venom on several of the nearby Girl Scouts and fell limp.
As the venom-covered girls were rushed to emergency services, the other girls surrounded Jerome as their savior.
After the danger had passed, many of the girls asked if it was safe to pet the snake. After making sure they knew the dangers of his snake, Jerome watched the girls carefully rub it.
The girls’ troop leader watched from the side. “Its good to get the girls used to such experiences young, but of course with the proper supervision. I really would have liked to touch it once or twice myself; it was just so huge, but it was the girls’ day today.”
After their terrifying experience, the shaken troop leaders introduced new rules to the organization that effectively ban any outdoor activity unless accompanied by a ranger. Ranger Neely generously responded by volunteering to chaperone future camping trips, where he will stay up all night in vigilant guard over the vulnerable females in their tents.
The snake was promptly returned to the Fresno Reptile House for a proper burial in its Cold-Blood Cemetery. Reptile House officials are working with PETA to sue the State Parks of California for “the gross mishandling of one of nature’s most delicate, precious creatures.”
