Staff Writer Composes Article While Drunk, Editor Clearly Too Drunk to Notice
“Wow, this chair can spin, and so can the world!” said a sloppily inebriated Drew Stark. - photo by Tim Etler
Michael Swaim
A writer for the paper wrote his article pretty drunk, but if you’re reading this, he says “I guess Drew was super drnuk too.” He added, “hahaha.”
Reportedly, he’s surprised that Emily even didn’t catch the spleling errors. She’s the copy editor who’s super hot. One time, the writer of the article allegedly totally made out with her. “It’s true,” he said, writing the article, adding “it’s true, period, quotation marks
However, the article was hard to write becuz of the spinning computer the author used. He plans to take a couple shots of Captain Morgan to smooth himself out. Drew got the shakes and passed out at the party last night. Reportedly. That’s probably why the artilce got printed. What does this squiggly red line under the word mean?? Freaking Microsoft Word is crazy, holmes. It’s all
He forgot what he was going to say. Oh, yeah! “The printer should at least have said something, right?” Wait, that wasn’t a quote. He meant to say, reportedly, the printer is supposed to catch stuff like this. Like bad writing mistaeks like this.
Then he said, “we should use another printer if they didn’t even call us about this.” He is the author. Sorry, I forgot to say that.
The author’s cell phone vibrated, which felt nice. Allegedly. It turns out he has a missed message from the printer saying to Drew to not print the issue. “Oh, I have Drew’s cell phone.” He doesn’t know why.
“That’s ironic,” he said, even though no one in the room was awake. That’s how drunk he was. Then he laughed and laughed until he forgot what he was laughing about, but remembered about taking those shots of Capin Mo.
“Body shots,” he corrected, sneeking over to Lara, who was past out from Margarita mix and gin. It was later revealed that Tim looks a lot like Lara when he’s passed out. Also that he’s naturally very salty.
Later he woke up and his head still hurt because Tim had punched him, so he decided to finish the article and use it to get revenge on Tim.
Reportedly, Tim went missing today on a tour of a douche factory, because the guy at the douche factory said “hey, that’s our prototype, we need that back.” Tim, you’re a douche.
Drew is going 2 stop this article when he sees it. There is no way in hell this will get printed. That would be really funny though. The author thinks he should end the article like a artistic sad French movie. “No, maybe not” he thought, “that’s not that funny.” He then treid to think of a better way to end the article.
Fin.