Company Trust-Building Retreat Ends in Lack of Trust, Seven Dead

Moments before a hole rips in reality, employees engage in ‘friendly’ activities designed to cave their partner’s skull in. - photo by Ryan Kloos

Thomas Howard

Last month’s company retreat ended in disaster when seven employees died after trusting their co-workers too much. Management feels that the trust-building retreat resulted in a growing lack of trust throughout the office.

Seven employees were killed when personal synergy streams between several people crossed, which resulted in an energy singularity that ripped a hole in reality. Of the nine participating employees, seven were killed instantly when their heads exploded after looking into the rift and viewing a parallel dimension, which revealed a major plot spoiler regarding this season’s Lost.

World renowned scientist and ghost hunter Dr. Egon Spengler explained, “Never cross the streams. It would be bad, really bad. And I mean end of the world kind of stuff.”

One of the two surviving employees was committed to the nearest asylum following a case of what experts consider advanced post-traumatic stress disorder. After the incident he started to scream uncontrollably any time someone asked him to “trust me on this.”

The other survivor was committed after failing to show signs of regret following the incident by saying, “Man, those guys were total dicks. I don’t see what everyone is so upset about.” Doctors have been unable to determine what his condition is, but early reports indicate he “shows signs that he is a humungous douche.”

CEO Eunice Bukowski offered her condolences to the grieving families. “The point of this exercise was to build trust between the employees so they could achieve better synergy, but we didn’t know that too much synergy could be too dangerous. We didn’t think and now it’s cost this company three good employees.”

Bukowski added, “We don’t miss the other four because we were going to fire them anyway. They were lazy, and we couldn’t care less about their families. We hope they rot in poorhouses.”

Steps have been implemented by the company to ensure that the employees never trust each other to such an extent ever again. These precautions include having managers make jokes in poor taste about people’s names, ostracizing funny looking people, and choosing one guy to be the office bitch.

Now instead of chastising employees who make sexist jokes, management is offering a raise and vacation time to anyone who can “make the stupid receptionist on the first floor burst into tears.”