Closing of MP3.com Forces Youth to Discover Music Old-Fashioned Way: Lid Rock

“Rock! I got a Clay Aiken remix CD this time!” - photo by Dan Zembrosky

Dan Zembrosky

The recent closure of MP3.com after its purchase by CNET Networks has left millions of music enthusiasts stranded without the independent music charts used to discover new artists, as well as leaving millions of budding artists without a method of disseminating their music. With the vacuum left by MP3.com’s closing, the nation’s youth are scrambling to find a new underground source for music, and many are finding it in Lid Rock.

When informed of MP3.com’s closing, David Shmucker, 14, exclaimed, “This is a disaster! As lead guitarist of Synthesis Wizard, I am devastated. I mean, my band used to rank 1014th on the indie-rock MP3 charts! They [MP3.com] hosted our site, which was totally awesome and was getting, like, twenty hits a day. Every time I refreshed the page we had another hit, it was amazing. Now no one can get our music or read about our influences and dating statuses and stuff.”

The basis of the Lid Rock campaign is to place a small CD or DVD on the lid of a fountain drink. After people extract the disc from the lid, they can experience the music the disc contains. Lid Rock’s website information page boasts that “The specialized lids are available anywhere fountain beverages are sold, including restaurants, movie theaters, stadiums, convenience stores, theme parks, and concerts. In North America alone, more than 20 billion beverages were served last year. Assuming that everyone who buys a beverage keeps the disc, more music will be publicized than was downloaded from MP3.com in the last year!”

“Music enthusiasts need not worry,” explained Randolph Ledroque, President of Lid Rock Industries. “Our company is working hard to create a widespread forum for cutting edge music. I’m sure MP3.com patrons will adjust quickly.”

“Our music experts are scouring the underground charts for the best up-and-coming artists to feature on our discs,” Ledroque assured fans. “Currently we have Ashanti, Rachel Farris, and our Sbarro exclusive Britney Spears disc. It’s the beginning of a real musical revolution.”

The increasing popularity of the Lid Rock technology has also had the unforeseen effect of nearly eliminating all the traffic on Kazaa’s networks, which have shut down after their traffic dwindled to zero.

“People just don’t need us anymore,” admitted Sharman Technologies President, Kevin Bermeister. “The RIAA and Lid Rock Inc. asked us if we would shut our networks down, and, well, we really couldn’t see a reason not to oblige.” Other networks seriously affected by the new Lid Rock craze are Lime Wire, Gnutella, and the clay pigeon manufacturing industry.