USA Today to Remove Text, Tabs
USA Today reader Tommy Goodwin expresses awe and approval of new graphics-only policy, “Gaoooh!”
Brian Hansen
In a stunning decision destined to alter the face of print journalism, USA Today announced that its writers will no longer be using cumbersome conventions of written communication such as text and indentation.
“I thought to myself, ‘Hey, I’m living in the 21st century, man, and I shouldn’t be chained to the same journalistic practices my grandfather used,’” explained USA Today VP and Editor-in-Chief Kinsey Wilson. He added, “Recent studies have shown that the average reader of our paper has, at best, a second-grade education and is easily confused by multi-syllabic words, such as the ones I’m using now.”
In a conference for members of the press, Craig Moon, publisher of the newspaper, explained, “We decided that the best way to convey our news stories would be through pictographs.” He then showed examples of such pictographs: A fat child crying while eating a Big Mac, President Bush wearing a flight suit, and the Mars Rover tracing figure-eights in the sands of Mars. “These are the indelible images that define today’s news, and words don’t do them justice,” he explained.
“If you’re reading USA Today and we’re giving you one of our hard news stories say, one about Britney Spears’s new g-string,” continued Wilson, “do you want to actually take the time to read entire words, paying attention to sentence after endless sentence and fighting to make sense of whole paragraphs? No, you don’t.”
New York Times Chairman and Publisher Arthur Sulzberger, Jr. is taking the decision in stride. “When I heard the news, I was like, ‘Whatever, we’ve been dumbing down our stories for years.’ It’s high time those USA Today people evolved to fit the needs of their readership like we have.” Sulzberger then returned to staring at his answering machine’s flashing lights.
However, many among the highest ranks of the print news industry believe the newspaper’s decision could spark something of a simplification revolution. “Events like these weaken the very foundations upon which the development and sharing of ideas is based,” explained Peter Jennings of ABC News. “This could signal the beginning of the end for articulate human thought and analysis. After a few more steps in this direction, the only way to communicate will be to paint crude symbols on cave walls with goat’s blood and feces.”
USA Today is the first newspaper, but not the only news outlet, to adopt such innovative techniques to streamline the news. CNN recently launched CNN Ticker, a cable television news network that lacks news anchors and solely features multiple rows of news tickers. These tickers include stock quotes, sports scores, the present temperature of Tuscon, and a countdown to the Olsen twins’ eighteenth birthday.